Sunday, February 5, 2012


After 48 hours in the hospital, this little mama was ready to go home. I was starting to get so sore from the bed and
I literally was not sleeping at all because nurses were doing constant check ups and vitals.

Being in a hospital is so frustrating. You are learning all these new aspects of being a mom, and yet it's so much harder to do it there. Like, they expect you to hold a newborn and breastfeed with an IV in one arm, an oxygen monitor on your finger, a sharp plastic name tag, a blood pressure cuff, various bandages and other adhesions. Not to mention all the sore spots from having shots and blood drawn with an added bonus of swelling.

I mean, my arms are tiny, so it makes it hard anyways when there is so much stuff, and it's a little ridiculous. Then they expect you to hold your breast, and baby, and position him this way and that, I felt like I would never get it down! It's like a game, once baby latches, freeze everything and sit there frozen until baby let's go.

I quickly decided it was time for an intervention and some simplifying.

The oxygen monitor, I made em put it on my toe.

You only use the blood pressure monitor every few hours. Cool. You can reattach it then. Seriously lady, I will keep taking it off. I should have a child cuff and that piece of junk covers 3/4 of my arm.

Bandages, nah. I'll just hold a cotton ball till the bleeding stops. Seriously.

What are you giving me through the IV? Water for hydration? I will chug this bottle in front of you.

Morphine? I am NOT in that much pain.

(yes, call me crazy, I made them take the morphine IV out.)

My arm bracelet? Mysteriously disappeared. You are the same nurse I've had since yesterday. You know it's me and the plastic tag is scratching my baby's face. (colton and I actually got in trouble for walking around the tiny square hallway without baby in his plastic bed of shame. Apparently if baby isn't in his bed if shame, we could be abducting him. Again, you are the same nurse I have had all day, you know this is my baby and I'm not abducting it. I can barely walk.

(Another hospital rule, no kids under 14. Random strangers can come see baby. But no kids. My little sisters couldn't even come in and see my baby. (We maybe convinced a few nurses to look the other way when they came in. But It was so awful, they were very sad to not be able to see him for more than a minute.)

Anyways...back to feeding.

I was determined to be able to feed my baby without help. And that meant I needed my arms clear. So I made it happen.

And Bam. Every time baby woke up, I tried to clear my head, readjust the bed, sit up (despite incision pain) pull pillows around me, and feed him. Then he would fall asleep eating, I would sigh relief and lull back into semi sleep with him cuddled on me.

If he pooped, I woke Colton (who as of now has changed all diapers, that's his self designated job when he is home.)

My little guy never went in the plastic bucket of shame. ;) He slept on my chest, every night. I just never wanted to let go. Sue me.

After 24 hours I was asking about getting released. When they asked about my pain levels, I consistently told them my throat hurt worse than my incision. (It was swollen, painful, I could not eat, my voice was horse.) Whenever I would complain the nurses would say "oh, yes, you are the one who got intibated. It's from the metal tube they had trouble getting it in your throat."

I had to demand COUGH DROPS. My throat was so swollen I couldn't eat soft bread without pain. Finally a nurse listened to me, and they checked my throat. Severe scabbing on my tonsils, major swelling, etc. They prescribed a throat coating numbness thing. It worked for two minutes. UGH. Basically it took my mom, a lot of hot tea, ice cream and gargling salt water (all self prescribed while i'm in a freaking hospital) to calm my swelling down to the point where I could comfortably eat. I think there was actually something lodged in my throat that I worked out because after all of that the swelling went down and I finally started getting comfortable.


The next morning I was up, showering and packing. Changing baby, feeding him by myself while Colt slept, doing my hair. We had been up and going on walks the night before, I was just ready to be out of there. My doctor said "you are doing great, I think you could be out by tomorrow. I said, i'm ready to go home, let me go tonight, i'm fine." So he agreed. Exactly 48 hours after C-Section (the legal time I HAVE to stay) I was released by my doctor. They originally had me scheduled for 72 hours minimum.

All we had to do was get babies release from his doctor. Didn't happen. Babies at birth lose weight, up to 10% of what they were at birth. Our MaTai was losing excessive amounts. More than a pound-around 16% of his birth weight (8 lbs, 1 oz.) Doctor said he wanted to keep him over night and see if we could get his weight up. I was up every two hours on the dot. Feeding him from both sides (he only ever would eat on one side and then immediately fall asleep), waking him up out of sleep, encouraging him to eat more, trying to supplement formula with a feeding tube to get him to eat. It was miserable.

Nothing is more heartbreaking to a mom than feeling like you are failing your child. Like I wasn't giving him enough!

The next morning I was at the end of my rope. Colton and I had both slept in the hospital bed, getting up every few hours to feed him, put him on a special light to help his skin, (did I mention he also developed a HUGE rash all over that looked like bug bites? Apparently it's normal,) and rock him. We had to put these special goggles on him and set him on the lights, which he would stay fine for fifteen minutes and then FREAK out. One time he startled so fast I got scared and jumped up out of bed, causing major pain to my incision.

It was a LONG night. The next morning I was at the end of my rope. I had slept maybe two hours a night at the hospital, could barely keep my eyes open, and was actually swaying while standing up. Doctors and nurses would come in to talk to me and I would feel like I was in a spinning room. I have never been that exhausted in my life.

Colton and I enjoyed a room service breakfast, and finally Tai's doctor came to check his weight. He lost more weight. I was so stressed out. But doctor said we could go home anyways (doesn't make much sense to me...) as long as we took him back in to get weighed the next day...

So we packed up, put him in his car seat AT LAST and took our little man home..

Pure, sleepy, bliss.

My baby needs to eat now :)

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