Monday, February 6, 2012


I'm completely, utterly, ridiculously exhausted.

Yet, I spend all my time fighting sleep as I stare at my little angel.

He's five days old.

We had a doctors appointment today, he's finally gaining weight back (finally the 3 am feedings pay off)

... and he's grown an inch.

My heart broke when the doctor said that.

I am not ready for him to grow. Ever.
I want him to stay tiny, and new and perfect.

I want to celebrate the rare moments he opens his eyes forever. The way he nuzzles me and sticks his little hands on his face. The way he stares at me and studies me. He is so helpless and wonderful, yet he knows who mom is, and that safety is in her arms.

I love How he sleeps through anything, and let's me move him around to snuggle. (yes i am guilty of taking him out of his crib and sneaking him into nap with me.)

I swoon at the little noises he makes when he sleeps...

And the way he fits in my arms, so unbelievably tiny, it's miraculous.

I love each new milestone. But get tears every time I lose one.

How does anyone survive being completely torn in half. Wanting to see them grow, but feeling a little shattered every time they do.


What an absolute miracle this little boy is.

Back to staring at him? Yup.

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