Thursday, December 22, 2011

Christmas At Our House

Christmas is going to be a...lot different this year. Colton works Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, we don't have a tree, or lights, or anything to be festive, and we decided to keep presents to a minimum.  Colton got a gym pass he really wanted, so he can train MMA, and a video game that he's been drooling over for months. He makes me feel sad because he's trying to find "things" to give to me for Christmas, because he feels sad not having anything under the tree, but I don't want things. I am just happy to have HIM. I am happy to have a healthy baby. To have our bills paid, a nice home and a steady income. I told him my ring will be my biggest present and I know it will come as soon as we can afford it.

My parents are doing things differently also-they decided to take a big family trip instead of doing gifts, because material things are always forgotten, but memories and family time is remembered. I'm not going with them-ten hours in a car and nine months pregnant, without Colt, Pass. The good news is, on their way out of town, they are stopping in to Cedar City to spend the holidays with us.

We are excited for home cooked food, family time and a warm apartment. We (my mom and I) will also be working on Tai's nursery, and getting it all set up for the little guy. I can't express how much I love my mom, especially now with living "married" life and being so pregnant. I call her so many times a day I know she is sick of me. But she helps me so much.

We also are officially caught up on all of our bills! This makes me so excited because it's been a struggle the last few months to make ends meet with Colton changing jobs and bills piling up. But now we are up to date and can start saving money again. Maybe even ordering a pizza once in a blue moon (Colton's ultimate happiness) and getting a shiny object ;)

In baby news, I have had HORRIBLE heartburn.I will randomly get acid attacks and start coughing and it really feels like I can't breathe! Someone wrote that bad heartburn = baby born with a full head of hair. Which we already know this little guy has. I told Colton that random pregnancy tidbit and he said "ya, I already knew that, a lady I helped at work told me." (Because my pregnancy gets discussed with random lady 's who get photos at Walgreens.) He is a funny boy. He is always coming home with stories for me "Today, I saw a lady with a baby, it was such a cute baby." (That's pretty much what all the stories consist of.)  He also changes how far along we are on a regular basis. "She's 39 weeks right now, so only 4 more to go."

My back pain is AWESOME. No one told me I would have trouble rolling over, or getting up. Or that my feet would be so swollen my toes wouldn't touch the ground. I'm starting to get the wide eyed stares. "You are still up and about?"

We took a tour of the hospital, Colton LOVED it. He was stoked that the baby gets cleaned and bathed and measured all in the same room we stay in. He told the nurse excitedly that he can sleep on the floor or "anywhere really" after she showed him the pull out bed that she deemed "uncomfortable." He checked out the bathtub and the light switches and the equipment. Peered through the nursery. Inspected the hospital bed. You name it. When we got home, he announced, "I'm going to work, when I get home, you need to have the hospital bag all packed so we can leave at a moments notice."

I love him.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

To Work...Or Not To Work

I am torn.

Colton is working about 60 hours a week right now, doing everything he can to make ends meet. I am on family medical leave, until I decide (if I decide) to go back to work.

Here's the thing.
I HATE my job. I work for a company called Convergy's (usually just the name results in a unanimous "oh..." or a groan. "That place." Most people have a cousin, sister, aunt, friend, ex who worked there at one point or another. It's a call center, inbound calls, AT&T. So when you call someone because your cell phone isn't working, and you scream at them, that's me on the other end. It's fabulous. Thanks, by the way.

I don't really mind the actual job. I can help people, I can be nice, I can solve problems. It's just the constant CHANGE that is absolutely unbearable. Just when you get used to certain expectations, they add new ones. When I started, it was simple, inbound customer service. Period. There was a lot of time between calls, it was relaxed. Awesome. Then things, they start changing. Some of us are then asked to voluntarily switch to selling a TV service. Commission, no pressure. Easy.

Then they mandate sales. If you don't offer, it's a write up. Then the whole floor is forced to sell, but you can choose what product you are comfortable selling. Fine. I am good at upgrading service, I can do that. Then all the sudden I am "Too Good" at upgrading, and they are forcing me to move to selling new products. So I do good at my job, they screw me over with something I don't want to do. They literally changed company rules so that they could force me to sell.

Then, to make things less complicated, the whole center is moved to selling. You must offer on every call.  You must push people even if they don't want a product. Sell Sell Sell. That's the motto. Just when you think they can't mandate anything else. They do. They can now fire you for not selling. Doesn't matter if you make a great offer, push it for an hour, get close, if you don't sell them tv service, it's a write up. If you do sell, but you don't sell them ENOUGH, that's a write up too.

They no longer work with school schedules, they are pushing mandatory overtime (so I go from 30 hours a week to 40+ with school) they don't do schedule changes, swaps or make exceptions. You have a doctors note? Cool, you are still getting written up.

I haven't worked since October. Between being so sick all the time, exhausted, moody, and adjusting to a new life, I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm still technically employed, I could go back tomorrow if I wanted to, but I don't. "I just can't want to."

It doesn't help that my Team Leader has changed 5 times in the last 4 months. So every time one understands my situation, I get a phone call "introducing" themselves, because my old team leader got fired for this or that (they are huge fans of firing people for not making sales.) It doesn't help that all my friends who worked there are now gone, fired for attendance, quit because of unreasonable expectations, tired of being written up for ever changing rules.

Sounds like I should quit, right?

But i'm also stubborn. I like having a back up. I like the idea of going back if I need to. With that job, Colton
and I can live quite comfortably, without it, we are barely making ends meet. I know I can find something better for me after I'm ready to go back to work, after Tai is born, I haven't tried finding anything new because honestly, who hires someone that is 6 months pregnant? So for now it's an inner battle.

Colton brought it up again last night.

"Babe, you just need to quit, let go of the stress of that job. Tai is gonna be here in a month, just spend the time relaxing and nesting and getting ready for him, I don't mind working long hours to have you home."

To this I reply something about extra income, and he says "what extra income, you haven't worked in months, you've been on bed rest,  you rarely leave the house, you don't even like to drive."

I then struggle to adjust on my seat, and make a whimpering noise because my tailbone KILLS.

Colton responds "exactly." You barely can sit up without being in pain, there's no way you are going to be able to sit 8 hours a day, talking to angry people in your hormonal state. You will get written up for something stupid and will have a complete break down. Not only that but you being under stress isn't good for our little guy, quit. Right now. Quit."

At this point he mentions egging, peeing on, and lighting Convergy's on fire. (He worked there too, left such a bad taste in his mouth he doesn't even want me associating with them, HA.)

So again, i'm torn. It's a good paying job. I could make an extra $2000 dollars before baby comes, which when living on a tight budget is a lot of money. But I just don't know if it's worth it. If the stress is worth it. If being in physical pain for 8 hours a day when i'm already exhausted is worth it.

And now my sweetie is home, he just screamed that our house smells "AMAZING" (BBQ chicken sandwiches in the crockpot. :) and is mumbling about work.

Have a good day :)

Friday, December 16, 2011

Are We There Yet?

34 Weeks. 6 Weeks Left. Due next month.
That is crazy.

My back hurts, my tailbone kills, I am in the bathroom every five minutes. GAH.
I feel like a dinosaur. My belly is so big and my arms are so small that when i'm buckled into my seat belt I can't reach the cup holder.

Laugh it up.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks at our house. We just got back from visiting family in Heber and Salt Lake. I had my baby shower, which was amazing. We are so blessed and this little boy is so blessed. To anyone and everyone that came, thank you so much. Every package of diapers, outfit, pacifier and blanket will help us so, so much. Never again will I miss a baby shower if I can help it, because I understand now how much young mom's and young families like me appreciate the help and the support.

I needed the support and love more than anything. I got amazing advice, wonderful tools, and a sense of relief like, I can do this, i'm ready for this little guy.

Colton wasn't able to be there, and was way bummed out. He was in Salt Lake replacing the breaks and tires on our car. Pretty crucial for safe winter travels to visit grandma's and a new baby I think? But he went through everything with me later that night and was ELATED at all the fun stuff we got. He is getting so antsy for his little guy to get here, and I love watching him delicately examine all of Tai's stuff. I am so lucky to have such a good man by my side (and a patient one, man i'm moody.)

A few of our favorite baby gifts?

Colton's favorite was the Shark Towel, he LOVES it. I was elated about the diaper bag, which I never imagined in a million years I would get, and the Bumbo, because I really, really, really wanted one. We also got some super cute outfits, adorable blankets, baby toys and travel things.

To everyone who was there, from me and Colton, thank you SO SO SO much.

In other news, I went in for my checkup yesterday, and the doctor said our baby boy has a BIG head., it's about two weeks ahead of the rest of his body. Which makes it even more unlikely for this little body to take on a vaginal birth. He is really trying to make his mama pay. I just really, really, REALLY, don't want to do a C-section. The recovery and scars and stomach damage just seems like quite an ordeal. So we are going to try as hard as we can to go natural, but will do whatever is safest for Tai.

Our nursery is getting full of stuff, which I am avoiding organizing like the PLAGUE. One because i'm so stinking sore all the time, and two because I don't even know where to start. We are collecting all the baby furniture, (high chair, crib, rocking chair, changing table) all which needs to be sanded and painted (they are all different woods, chipped paint, scuffed up, you name it.) Our baby needs a dresser very badly, because there is no place to put his clothes. Luckily my family is coming to spend Christmas with us and we are going to spend a couple days sanding, painting and organizing the nursery. I will post a lot of before and after pics, so maybe our extreme budget nursery can inspire someone ;)

If you have any tips on the hospital, c-sections, nursery organization, anything, let me know, please :)

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Excuse me?

Last night, as I rolled out of bed onto my swollen feet and hobbled to the bathroom, my sweet Colton said "we arent having any more kids, this pregnancy has almost killed me."

I am gonna kill him.

Have a nice day :)

Monday, December 5, 2011

He's Still A Boy...

We went to the Ultrasound today, I had nightmares last night that we found out our little guy was a lady.
Not that a girl would be bad (I wanted a girl so much) but, we already have all the boys clothes.
Trying to replace all of them would be traumatizing.

That being said, our little Tai has a full head of hair, according to the Ultrasound tech, who was giggling looking at it. Tai kept grabbing at his little head of hair, adorable.

He is measuring a little earlier than we planned, one to two weeks, so we will see if he's an early bird.

Oh yeah, did I mention we got this lovely gem :)

That's our son :)

Friday, December 2, 2011

Not Cut Out For This...

I am so stressed!

This week has been car insurance, health insurance, taxes, W-2's. New jobs, adding, removing and changing services. I am not cut out for this stuff! I don't know what services I need and don't need when it comes to car insurance! I have no clue what a good rate is for health insurance, or if I'm getting ripped off. It's so frustrating.

I feel like an idiot when someone asks me if I "need" a certain service. And half the companies won't even talk to me, because Colton and I are not married, and by the time he gets home they are closed.

How do you do it? How do you decide what is best for your family, while still keeping them protected and not breaking the very tight budget?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Christmas Cookies

We went and took some tummy/couples photos tonight. A friend needed some pictures for a school project, and  Colton came along for the ride so we could do couple's shots with my ever growing tummy. I am excited to get them back, hopefully they will turn out good! Then you might actually see a sneak peek of this 8 month pregnant whale :)

We are also getting an ultrasound on Monday! They are going to give us some 3D one's, and we will get to see our babe for the first time in 12 weeks. We are SO excited. I am at least. Colton thinks the 3D pictures are super creepy. Probably because in the first one's we got Tai looked like an alien.

So lots of pictures to come :)

Finally, in an effort to be Christmas-y today, I made Sugar Cookies. There were probably 4 or 5 dozen, and Colton was eating them as quickly as I could frost them. I had to promise him a whole plateful in order to get him to stop eating them and take some over to the neighbors. He was extremely concerned that there wouldn't be enough for him. "Why can't you just make ME cookies... I like the red ones...these are all said the red one's were for me...can I just have these ones???"

As I write this he has a plate of ten on his lap that he is guarding, completely oblivious to the fact that there are 50 more sitting on our counter. Men.

Charlie Brown

I have been feeling pretty bummed out this year. Mostly because we don't have any Christmas decorations, or a tree to put up, or anything festive like that. It didn't seem like a great investment to go buy a tiny fake tree for our apartment, and it wasn't in the budget, so I just kind of decided and accepted the fact that this first Christmas would have to be a little less...Christmasy.

That being said, Colton came home on his lunch break and told me to close my eyes. He pulled out a little box from under his coat. Inside was the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. A sad little guy with a single ornament. On the side of the box it said "It just needs a little love." Colt said "I didn't want you to go without a tree this year." I burst into tears and he got teary.

We both have had to sacrifice so much to afford our little Tai, and it has really brought us together and made our relationship so strong.

"The box said it just need's a little love. We don't have a lot of material things. But we do have a whole bunch of love. So I figured it would do well in our house."

I know every Christmas this special little tree will help us remember all the trials we faced in this first year.