Doctors appointment

Today was a bad day.
I didn't sleep last night, at all.

Got ready for the doctors (cold shower.) Actually got dressed and did my hair and makeup.

Got to the hospital, went into the men's bathroom because I had a full bladder and a pregnant brain.

Saw a urinal, thought, oh crap, and then walked out to Colton and a whole row of men pointing at the girls bathroom. Wow.

Got called into the checkup room and was told to pee in a cup.

Had stage fright and an empty bladder after mens bathroom embarrassment. Managed to get JUST enough into the cup. I stood up shakily, and SPILLED said pee cup all over myself and floor.

Proceeded to tearfully attempt to clean up myself, my clothes, the floor. And suck it up long enough to tell the nurse I couldn't get anything.

Broke down the second I got into the room alone with colt. He held me and kissed me and said "oh babe, no use crying over spilled pee."

Nurse came in, blood pressure was high and Somehow I managed to gain 10 pounds since last week.

Doctor makes the "that baby is huge" comment.

This is followed by the "are you getting sleep?" question. I go to respond, Colton does it for me. "We sleep awesome! We just got a new bed. Seriously the best sleeps ever!"

I don't even bother trying to tell the doctor I haven't slept in days. Colton doesn't know I don't sleep because he is out in 2 minutes.

Doctor then can't find the heartbeat, I am already stressed. He finally finds it. Does an internal exam and makes comments like "your cervix is unfavorable" (Colton laughs) and you have a 50 % failure rate.

{failure at what?}

That being said, he asks what I would like to do from here. (cry?)

He says it's my call, we discuss a little more about my pelvic size, baby size, delivery success, c-sections, etc.

After I mention the trauma of trying to get an epidural in when I was 17 before having hip surgery, and the five doctors it took to get it in while jokingly adding "if you had a belly, this wouldn't work." My doctor calls it.

They are going to induce me on Tuesday night if the baby doesn't come on his own before then. It probably won't work, but we are going to try and have this baby vaginally.

Pray for that. That everything goes well and my "unfavorable cervix" plays nice.

That being said, thanks for listening to my rants. We are so super excited to meet our son. Colton especially.

Sometimes Colton drives me crazy with how involved he is with everything. Getting the nursery set up and choosing his hospital outfit and blanket was hell because Colton is so opinionated, he wants everything right.

I constantly hear him telling strangers about my cervix and dilation and effacement (ya, awesome right.) I catch him on Facebook telling his high school buddies about the doctor only getting a fingertip in my cervix, like it's normal conversation. Ahhhh.

But I'm lucky. I know a lot of dads aren't as involved, and Colton wouldn't have it any other way.

I thank my lucky stars that he's been at every appointment with me (making me cancel if he had to work) and that he asks so many questions and is so informed.

He is going to be a great help and an amazing father. I love him so much and am so grateful for what he has done for our new family. It really took a lot to get where we are, and I know a lot of girls in my situation don't get that support and love and dedication that I have gotten.

Hey, he even sat through the 30 minute breastfeeding video with me today so he could learn how to help. (He also complained of feeling thirsty the whole time, ha.)

What a man.

Anyways...

If you read my rants, thanks for all your support, it means a lot to be able to talk about this adventure somewhere, unedited, and feel like people care.

That being said, it's bed time. Did I mention my doctor handed me a prescription of ambien when I went to leave and told me to get some sleep.

Colton had it sitting next to the bed with chocolate milk when I got out of the bath. Obviously I look as bad as I feel.

:)

Goodnight!