Thursday, January 26, 2012


I've been thinking a lot about how life will be soon. How it's all going to change. In my mind I see the sweet family, me making dinner with baby boy sitting in his chair on the counter and colt coming in from work.

That's what I dream of.

I know there will be many sleepless nights, many stressed out days, many thoughts of how life "was." Times I'll look back and wish I could have tonight back. With an empty house and bed to myself. (Colts working a grave.)

Right now, life seems slow. I feel really lazy. Exhausted. Stressed. I depend on Colton so much for everything.
I'm torn between enjoying my last few days with Colt, and wanting my baby here.

Last night we ran all the last minute baby errands, met a pediatrician, finalized insurance, installed the car seat.

We came home, I wanted chocolate milk for dinner, he had a hot dog. Then he played video games while I caught up on my tv shows. I went to bed at 2. He crawled in an hour later. We slept till noon.

That's what we do on his days off. Nothing.

We woke up, he brought me French toast in bed. I watched a bazillion episodes of teen mom (it's therapeutic, really.) I called in an "I love you" across the apartment every once in a while. He came in with ice water and chocolate when I was feeling bored.

Later, He took took off to the gym. I took a nap. Soaked in the bath. He came home and made us steak. Tucked me into bed...again.

I feel so useless right now. He takes such good care of me, and we have no one to answer to but each other. So I start thinking about Tai coming and I panic. Ive been on bed rest so long, doing NOTHING for so many months, I feel like I won't ever have the energy to take care of a baby. To get into a real routine of doing things and going out and cooking and cleaning and being a family and a good wife!

Poor Colton. He lives off of Mac and cheese and hot dogs and canned soup. I feel so guilty when he tries to make a recipe that I would always make him, but don't have the energy for anymore.

Right now going and doing errands is a stressful long event. I never leave the house alone or drive because my belly is so big. How will I do it with a newborn who needs fed every hour and constant attention. How will I go to the grocery store without completely panicking!

I hope that with Tai being born, everything will feel right and come natural. All the mysteries of parenthood and breastfeeding and infant care will be second nature. I hope my energy comes back, and the weight comes off!

I hope the The desire to do my hair and get dressed and cook for my sweet Colton is no longer comparable to the exhaustion of running a marathon.

I pray that my hormones will chill out so I can be a little more patient with my hubby (and humans in general.)

I don't know what normal life is, living with colt, not being pregnant. It's a giant Journey we are about to embark on. And im so glad I'm doing it with him.

But for the record. I'm scared as hell. This is a huge journey and we never made a map.

Wish us luck. Wish ME luck.

I really hope I can do this.


  1. I really love your blog Mary! You are so cute! Everything will work out. I was just actually having this conversation with my sister, telling her how I don't know how my husband and I will ever be able to afford a baby, and how I love just our time and all that stuff, and she told me "it just works out". She said she doesn't know how, but it does. I think it will just work out for you. I'm sure once your little guy is here, you will go back to yourself, and you will get used to and love your new life! I'm so excited for you! I hope once the baby is here you will still find time to blog, it keeps me entertained :) Good luck with everything, can't wait to see pictures!!

  2. I cannot think of one person stronger, smarter, and more prepared then you. You. Will. Be. Amazing.

  3. You'll get back to your regular self but cut yourself some slack for a a few weeks/month or 2 maybe. It takes some time and some sleep. Plus living with someone is always going to be an adjustment. I think being married is easy but it's the living together part that can get hard. Just be patient and you'll be fine and will love your little family.

  4. I have sometimes had a thought pass through my head of "I wish we could go here without our baby" but then I think, there is nothing better in life than being a parent and I wouldn't trade it for the world! You will be everything figured out! It's scary and it's hard, and you will need a break here and there, but it's the best time of your life and you will never regret it! I don't know how we made it financially! I think we had a baby at the worst financial time in our lives, but we made it and we're doing great now. Just keep staying positive and you'll be just fine! Love ya!