Saturday, October 13, 2012

Cast The First Stone.

I am missing my friends. Good friends who I can talk to and visit and be HONEST with, that don't judge me. I am so tired of feeling judged by people.

I feel like I have had a really hard year. Getting pregnant, living with a guy I wasn't married to, moving multiple times, getting married, working full time, trying to deal with multiple job losses and changes. Every time I feel like things are starting to smooth out, something hits me that just jolts me.

And i'm tired of the people who only come around when i'm jolted.

I don't need your judgement. I don't need you to try and convert me, change me, or fix me. I don't need to think like you do to be a good person or be worthy of someone's friendship.

People say they don't judge, but they do. People are so quick to forget about their own trials, relationship problems, and bad choice and put their judgement on others, on me. No one has a perfect relationship, a perfect financial situation, a perfect life. So why do we spend our time convincing ourselves that we are better than everyone else?

I'm tired of the comparisons. Comparing myself, my baby, my husband, my relationship, my home, my job and my LIFE, to everyone around me. I feel like social networking can be SO damaging that way. Every time I get on I find myself angry or feeling sad. And if i'm not feeling bad, i'm only feeling better because i'm comparing myself to someone who is going through something else.

Doesn't that seem so unhealthy?

I feel like there are friends I opened up to who immediately judged me and walked away or stopped being around.

I also feel like there were a few who didn't even act like it was a problem and welcomed me with open arms.

Thanks to the few of you who have. D&B. J&D. M&W. M&S.

I really, truly, respect the friends I have who have stuck with me through good and bad. And funny enough, the ones who I truly love and respect are the ones I met while battling the biggest trial of my life: this entire year.

At the end of the day, you can love me or hate me for who I am, but i'm upfront about my life. I don't try and be someone I'm not. I don't try and make people think anything different of me, I just wear my trials on my sleeve and hope that i'll end up with people who can look past them.

When I started this blog, I put my whole life on display. Not so people would judge me, but so maybe someone could look past the crap and actually be a real friend. So that people, anyone, could get the story straight from my mouth.

This is it. Love me or hate me.


  1. Hey I love you always call me any time i'm just super busy so i never get up that way :(

  2. I love your blog. You write with such a passion and I agree with you on every level! Of course everyone has to judge to a certain extent, like what is right or wrong, but too often people go beyond what is necessary to what is mean-spirited and ridiculous. Too much in life is grey as opposed to black and white and people don't seem to understand that. To sum it up: you're an amazing person and I'm glad we're friends. :)

  3. I know we dont know each other well, but I just want you to know there are people out there who can relate. It's not fun feeling that way. I just won't through that myself and deleted everything. I'm sorry you're going through that and I hope it gets better. Your son is adorable and I love reading your blog!!