Saturday, March 17, 2012

Hush, My Baby

As I sat and fed my little boy, I was watching a movie called Sarah's Choice. It was all about an unmarried pregnant woman with her whole life ahead of her, trying to choose between a great job, a baby and a relationship. It really hit home to me because I understand what she felt. Her boyfriend was skipping around jobs, still very immature, and she had so much ahead of her. She goes through the motions of abortion, adoption and keeping the baby, along with trying to define a relationship. Her boyfriend felt like if he proposed (even though he was planning on it) she would think it was her responsibility to marry him and it wouldn't be for love.

The whole movie made me think about where we were, and how far we have come as a couple. It made me think about the hard choices I had to make in the beginning, and then I had to wait for Colton to make his choice also. I got lucky, because he chose to move his whole life and support me at a time when I was very sick and couldn't work. He chose to be a dad, and my partner, and he chose to make us a family. 

It's amazing how alone and scared I felt at first. How I thought my whole life was over. Now as I look at this little boy I know that life has only just begun. What once seemed an ending is now the reason I go on. When Colton walks in the door and kisses me and then picks his son up I see nothing but love. When he wakes up at 2 am to change Tai, and he is smiling, I know I got so lucky. I know we are so lucky.

Every little accomplishment, every little luxury like a pay raise or getting cable, a bill paid off or a date night, we celebrate. Every little thing has taken a lot to earn, but slowly we have built a house around us. We have made a home! When we sit down on our couches or wrap Tai in a blanket we bought ourselves, it makes us realize how far we have come. From a tiny studio to a large 2 bedroom apartment, we have earned our way up. We have learned a deeper more meaningful love. He is totally worth it. Always will be.

"Little One" by Rebecca St. James 
Hush, my Baby. Be still inside me. 

Rest my Child. All is well. 
Hush, my Baby. Grow inside me. 
You are safe there, my little boy.

I can't believe that I would ever think that you were not to be.
But, darling, mommy feels like a child herself. 
And I will give my life to love you, little one. 
And I will give my life to protect you, darling. Always.  

Hush my Baby. I'm dreaming of you. 
And wondering just who you'll become. 
Hush my Baby. Smile inside me. 
Warmed by knowing you are loved.  

I can't believe that I could ever think of life without you. 
But, darling, mommy sometimes feels afraid. 
And I will give my life to love you, little one. 
And I will give my life to protect you, darling. Always. 

Hush my Baby, smile inside me. 
Warmed by knowing you are loved. 

1 comment:

  1. Mary you are such a good writer! I love reading your blog. You give me hope and you are such an example to me! Thank you for being you and sharing you life!