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I feel so frustrated with my baby weight/diet situation.

Lately, I am always STARVING. I can eat a huge meal and then be hungry again a half hour later. Breastfeeding, thank you for that. It also feels like nothing sounds good. I'm always hungry but never feel like anything. Then I end up snacking on whatever is around or easy to grab and then I just feel icky. I know I'm burning a lot of calories breastfeeding so much, and Tai eats so much, but I also feel like I'm just unhealthy and a chunk!

It's hard to get out and excercise, especially when I feel so wiped all the time, Colton works a lot, and the stroller is heavy and hard to take downstairs. So it's not easy to get outside to walk.

I am trying to cook healthy meals and feel better that way, but all in all it's a tough balance. Its hard to look at a stretch mark covered floppy belly and feel like I can't do much at this point! I can see why it's hard to lose the weight after having a baby. Yuck. Any advice?

I just had to vent. He's so worth the extra flab, but at the end of the day I feel a little bad that Colton comes home to me-covered in baby puke and poop with a pony tail and baggy sweats. And he kisses me and loves on me anyways. What a man.

I have a lot to catch up on, more to come!

Baby Blessing

Tai's Baby Blessing on March 25, 2012 was wonderful (and packed!!)

I felt the spirit so strong with both sides of my family sitting in the chapel, and friends from all wakes of life surrounding us on our special day. It was amazing to stand in church and see friends who I have known since Kindergarten all the way through to college roommates and neighbors. I saw teachers and leaders and a lot of my role models, I felt so much support and can't thank you enough for coming. My dad gave Tai his blessing, which was a complete honor, (my dad has only recently started going back to church, and he is such a great man to volunteer to bless Tai.)

In the blessing circle was family, and a couple of boys who really mean a lot to Colton and I. The first being my best friend Matt Watts, who I met at Snow College and then followed to SUU. He has always been there for me and I got teary knowing he would help in MaTai's blessing (MaTai is another form of Matthew.) He is an amazing man and one of the most kind hearted and sincere men I have ever met.

The second person was our friend Mic Snyder. Colton roomed with Mic when we went to Snow and we have recently become very close with him and his wife Whitney. They are such a great couple and the greatest friends to us. We felt so out of place in Cedar for so long and then they came to the hospital when Tai was born, brought us dinner the night we got home and have been our most trusted (and only) babysitters for Tai when we have gotten out for a date. (Just one, we are lame.) We love spending time with them and having them at the blessing and then having Mic in the circle meant a lot to me, but especially to Colton. I think he felt like these two men were taking his place and we couldn't have picked anyone better.

The luncheon after the blessing was very crowded. The entire street was lined up and down with cars and I couldn't believe how much support we had. MaTai got passed from person to person and Colton and I were constantly asking "where is my child?" There were SO many babies there, it was crazy. It seems like everyone is starting to have kids (at least five of my good friends from high school all have or are having little boys within the last year.)

My biggest regret of the day?  Not getting any pictures. Not one. I am a horrible mother. I didn't get a single picture of our family, or all of our extended family, or (get this) MaTai in his blessing outfit. (Colton did not feel bad about this, he despised the girly outfit Tai was in, lace and all.)

My best friend Katy did take this ONE picture of us at the luncheon, but Tai had already been changed, oh well...(I will recreate the outfit and take pictures for the scrapbook later.)

Baby Shower #2

My wonderful mother in law (to be) Jana threw me a baby shower with Colton's side of the family.

It. Was. Amazing.
They held it in Colton's aunt Nakole's house (gorgeous drool worthy mansion) and the whole thing was divine

Jana outdid herself with the cutest decorations (chips in dump trucks and candies in pails, rubber ducky bath punch, amazing baby blue sugar cookies, spa water and great food.) 

I was amazed at how many people showed up to see our baby and celebrate with us, everyone was so kind.

I felt a little out of place because people I had never met were giving us amazing and beautiful gifts for our little boy, but I know they were there because they love Colton and will come to know me in time. 

My Favorite Presents:

This bedding set. I wanted it so so so badly! Colton's mom got it for us and I was beyond happy. We went home and I made Colton help me set it up at midnight that night. There is a little mobile with it that Tai just loves to watch and the whole room feels complete now. I love that it's pretty gender neutral too, so we can use it again if we want to.

We also got a Minky Couture Blanket. It is incredibly soft and I may have stolen it from Tai a couple times to enjoy it for myself...

We got a couple of our favorite books...

 A gorgeous highchair/seat.

And this gem that was a total surprise but that I really really wanted...(yup it's a baby food maker.)

Needless to say we were completely spoiled. We also got a lot of gift certificates and money for Colton's student loan (the best gift ever!) 

With the gift certificates we got Tai a car mirror, a bottle rack, a toy for his swing, and this bad boy (girl):

Her name is Sophie the Giraffe and she is supposedly the best teething toy out there. And hey, I was impressed, I wanted to chew on her myself honestly.

We bought Sophie at BuyBuyBaby in Draper, and if you haven't been there, keep it that way.

YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO LEAVE. 

It literally is the baby version of Bed, Bath and Beyond. Floor to ceiling pacifiers, diaper bags and toys you didn't know you needed. I was dying in there.

Thank you to everyone who came and for all the diapers, wipes,  clothes, and love!

This little boy has everything he could ever need thanks to you.

(As a side note, it is great to have at least one baby shower (for different sides of the family) after baby is born, you get all the visits out in one day, and you actually know what you need and want.)

(Also our good friend Doralie made us a gorgeous Colton-Approved baby seat cover. I count this as a shower gift. She is like Martha Stewart or something...) (Thanks D.)

Hush, My Baby

As I sat and fed my little boy, I was watching a movie called Sarah's Choice. It was all about an unmarried pregnant woman with her whole life ahead of her, trying to choose between a great job, a baby and a relationship. It really hit home to me because I understand what she felt. Her boyfriend was skipping around jobs, still very immature, and she had so much ahead of her. She goes through the motions of abortion, adoption and keeping the baby, along with trying to define a relationship. Her boyfriend felt like if he proposed (even though he was planning on it) she would think it was her responsibility to marry him and it wouldn't be for love.

The whole movie made me think about where we were, and how far we have come as a couple. It made me think about the hard choices I had to make in the beginning, and then I had to wait for Colton to make his choice also. I got lucky, because he chose to move his whole life and support me at a time when I was very sick and couldn't work. He chose to be a dad, and my partner, and he chose to make us a family. 

It's amazing how alone and scared I felt at first. How I thought my whole life was over. Now as I look at this little boy I know that life has only just begun. What once seemed an ending is now the reason I go on. When Colton walks in the door and kisses me and then picks his son up I see nothing but love. When he wakes up at 2 am to change Tai, and he is smiling, I know I got so lucky. I know we are so lucky.

Every little accomplishment, every little luxury like a pay raise or getting cable, a bill paid off or a date night, we celebrate. Every little thing has taken a lot to earn, but slowly we have built a house around us. We have made a home! When we sit down on our couches or wrap Tai in a blanket we bought ourselves, it makes us realize how far we have come. From a tiny studio to a large 2 bedroom apartment, we have earned our way up. We have learned a deeper more meaningful love. He is totally worth it. Always will be.

"Little One" by Rebecca St. James 

Hush, my Baby. Be still inside me. 

Rest my Child. All is well. 

Hush, my Baby. Grow inside me. 

You are safe there, my little boy.

I can't believe that I would ever think that you were not to be.

But, darling, mommy feels like a child herself. 

And I will give my life to love you, little one. 

And I will give my life to protect you, darling. Always.  

Always...

Hush my Baby. I'm dreaming of you. 

And wondering just who you'll become. 

Hush my Baby. Smile inside me. 

Warmed by knowing you are loved.  

I can't believe that I could ever think of life without you. 

But, darling, mommy sometimes feels afraid. 

And I will give my life to love you, little one. 

And I will give my life to protect you, darling. Always. 

Always...  

Hush my Baby, smile inside me. 

Warmed by knowing you are loved. 

Baby Blessing

MaTai Allen Kynaston will be blessed on Sunday, March 25th, 2012 at 1 pm.

For details on the address, please message me or comment on this post! 

He will be blessed by his grandpa, Robert Duke (my dad)

We would love to see you there!
Luncheon to follow!

Crazy Busy Week

Life is starting to feel overwhelmingly busy. Not for any particular reason except for trying to get all the stuff done that I pushed aside until "after baby." A few things on that list:

Thank You Cards. Lots and lots of thank you cards. People have been so overwhelmingly kind to us! We have been absolutely shocked by the love that has come from friends and family. Whether it was diapers, or advice, an outfit or a meal, we wouldn't have been able to do it without you guys, THANK YOU.

New Apartment.We are going to be moving at the beginning of May to a location with a pool, gym, playground and lots more storage! It is also a ground level apartment and...wait for it...has washer and dryer hook ups. We will also have CABLE television, which sounds like nothing unless you are home with a baby all day long. 

Visitors, Visitors: This little boy is the very first grandchild on both sides, as you know. Which means grandma's are wanting to see him constantly. This last weekend my mom came down and stayed with us and gave us a little bit of a break. She took Tai overnight and let us sleep a full 5 hours :) It was PURE bliss.

Pictures: We went and got pictures taken at Walmart while my mom was here. I called to set up an appointment, because I wanted basic studio pictures. They said it was their last day open and we set up a time. Well we went in, they took a ton of great shots, and then we looked at them to choose our favorites. I asked how much it would be to get the CD with all the rights to the photos's and the lady said "a lot but i'll give you a deal." So we paid $20 bucks for a full CD of studio pictures, (regularly $250) and the lady gave us a ton of coupons and free prints since it was their last day open and she was a little ticked off with Walmart. I am so lucky :) And maybe Tai did pee on me because I insisted on some naked pictures of him (which Colton freaked out about.) But that's fine. You know you are a mom when a baby pees on you and you make sure he is dry before realizing it's in your hair.

6 Week Milestone:That's right. I had my little boy 6 weeks ago! Isn't that crazy! Time has flown by! This means we start having to get shots, switching from Newborn to 0-3 month clothes and I get to exercise again. (Which I totally am not excited for, but my personal trainer Colton thinks its the best news ever.) 

Baby Shower: Colton's family is throwing me a baby shower for his side of the family and his friends. We are so excited. It's fun to register for a new baby but it actually seems more fun after you've had him for a little while and you start realizing what would come in handy. We went to Baby's R' Us and registered and have been adding to our Target registry list.

We saw crazy baby contraptions, like this bad boy:

Which looks hilarious, and like a torture device, but honestly (and don't judge) could come in handy when (like today) I was home alone, trying to pump and MaTai decided to spit out his pacifier every few seconds and cry. Let's just say it was a lot of leaky milk, a balancing act and an unhappy baby.

And no, I would not be walking around with a wine glass full of ice water looking like life is so fantastic. I would probably just be thanking the heavens that I could put a pacifier back in Tai's mouth and scratch my nose.

We are also getting more independent and going and visiting family, taking trips up North, to the grocery store, and even on a few dates.

Speaking of dates.

Wednesday is Colton and I's 3 year anniversary. Yup. 3 years of dating that boy. It has been off and on. Bumpy at times. (Tornadoes/Avalanches/Flash Flood/Natural Disaster kind of bumpy.) But I can honestly and proudly say that we have never been happier than we are right now.

We have never argued less. We have never loved each other more. This little boy has brought nothing but joy to our lives and he has truly let us realize how much we love each other. 

For our Anniversary we are going to our favorite sushi restaurant Benja in St. George (our one tax return splurge.) Our good friends Mic and Whitney are going to babysit Tai. Ahhhh. You read that right. How scary is it to leave my baby! But we really trust Mic and Whit and wouldn't want to leave him with anyone else. Plus, every newlywed couple needs a little free birth control. (Or in Whit's case a stronger desire for baby's, haha.)

I am very excited. 

Weekend Fun

Baby and I have a cold, it is not fun. I felt so bad for him because he was crying a little bit but when I would try and give him his pacifier he would suck it for just a second and spit it out again. I finally realized he couldn't breathe through his nose very well. I finally ended up cuddling him to sleep on my chest and rubbing his back, poor guy-he was still up every two hours to eat.

Colton has taken good care of us. He came home from work last night with an arsenal of vicks vapor rub, soft tissues, chapstick, redbox movies and dinner. He also kept my ice water full and tucked us into bed after a warm, steamy bath. We are spoiled.

We spent the weekend up North with our families, and LOVED it. So many people on both sides that haven't seen him yet got to see him. Right now neither families really have room for us when we go stay with them (my brother Ryan slept on the couch when we stayed with my parents and Savannah slept in Colt's parents room when we stayed with them.) But the good news is, they are both looking at building right now, and have told us we will have a spot just for us when that time comes.

We attended my best friend Katy's baby blessing. Kru is two weeks older than MaTai, and I hadn't seen him until this weekend. He is a cute little boy, who is a huge handful to his poor parents! He is super active and likes to move around and interact and be held. I think Katy changed him 3 times and fed him 3 times while they were visiting for an hour or so. Tai just sprawled out on his dad and slept the entire time. At the dinner after the blessing our boys were getting passed around and we were constantly both doing the "where is my kid?" search. I am so glad that I have Katy to share this journey with.

I can never stop feeling thankful for how lucky we have been with this little boy and how peaceful and easy he is. But I think Heavenly Father knew we had already gone through our share of relationship testers and needed to plan a wedding, so he gave us a little break.

We got to register at Baby's R' Us for the shower that Colton's family is doing for us. That was an experience. There is so much stuff for baby's that you never even know you need until you go into a baby store. Especially all the amazing accessories for breastfeeding and pumping! I wish we would have had more time but Colton had to work so we were a little rushed.

As far as wedding planning goes, Colton and I talked about 6-9-12 (3 months away) or 10-11-12. I would rather get married sooner than later. But I also have to consider: Losing baby weight, money, leaving my little boy for a honeymoon, and planning time.

Regardless, I am excited to start getting into the planning. Colt just keeps talking about him and Tai's tuxes.

Thank You!

Everybody who reads and responds to my blog posts have really helped me out. From advice to baby stuff, so many of you have gone out of your way to help! I so appreciate it!

A week or so ago Colton and I went to the bridal showcase. A photographer I really like (Jami Leavitt) was giving away the chance to win an engagement session! Thank to all of you who have supported us since day one,

WE WON!

So if you took the time to go on and comment, thank you! It means so much to us and you have personally helped us. Seriously.

Let's just say that it was the second exciting pre-wedding event that happened this week. (shiny object anyone?)

More to come on that later.

We are currently visiting my family in Heber and are attending my best friends baby blessing. We actually saw her last night with her little guy Kru and we loved it. It's amazing how different every baby is. Katy made him multiple bottles and bounced him while Tai sat passed out on his dad. When Tai woke up to eat, I was trying to feed him covered up while Katy was using her carseat like a swing for Kru. Babies have their difficulties :)

We also saw a lot of my family yesterday morning, this is the first weekend any of my family has seen him so we are trying to make the rounds in a very short amount of time.

Hopefully my friends can take a peek at him during church today! None of them have seen him either!

Then after church we are visiting Colts side.. lots of visiting this weekend!

PS: We signed our tax returns this weekend too. Here's to that!