Stepford Mom

I don't even know how to begin this post, I have so many things on my mind. So I guess I'll just say I have a few realizations. Never say never.

You know how when you are in high school, or early college, and you say, man. When I am married, I will NEVER do that. I will always look cute or my husband. I will always dress up and have a nice dinner on the table, my house will be clean and cozy and CUTE, and we will go on cute dates, and we will be fun.

And then when I'm pregnant, I will be the cutest pregnant lady. I won't be mean and I won't be ornery and I will keep doing my hair and I will NOT let myself go. I will lose all of that pregnancy weight and be a super cute mom, who looks so put together. A sexy mama!

And my baby will always be in a clean outfit, and his nose will always be wiped, and he will NEVER be seen running around in a saggy diaper. And I will make him good food, and he won't have screen time, and he will be happy, and secure, and I will make it look easy.

It is not easy.

Because, you see, babies pull hair-so you put it up, and they still pull it, so its all over the place. And tears happen, and spit up happens, and you get food in your hair, and on your once "cute" clothes. So you change into sweats-because lets be honest you aren't going anywhere in this state.

They get teeth, and scream when you wipe their nose, and you are wiping so often that their noses are red, and they get mad and wipe their noses on you to the point where you honestly don't care if it runs a little.  And they find food on the floor, and they take the food, and mush it up, and wipe it on your fresh sweatpants (which is the WORST.)

So you have a runny nosed baby in a diaper, and your hair is frazzled, and you are wearing dirty sweats, and dinner isn't ready, because runny nosed child has been screaming at your feet. And now you are sitting on the couch, watching the baby channel, breathing in the semi-quiet, and your husband comes in. And says something like "what did you do all day?"

At that point you basically say, screw you, I don't want to look cute or cook for you anyways, and then the whole day is justified.

Phew.

I see the moms with the skinny jeans and the knee high boots and the lace top, with perfect makeup and perfect curled hair, and I think I'm doing it wrong. But I'm not. I'm just doing it differently. There are a lot of days my kitchen is a mess, and my makeup is 2 days old, and my hair is in a messy, frazzled bun, and I think I'm completely screwing up this mom/wife/human thing.

Is it just me?

I feel like slowly I have realized that its not so important to look perfect, sometimes the best day means having a messy house and a happy kid. I would rather look disheveled, and have spent a day playing with my one year old than to have a perfectly presentable appearance and a kid stuck in front of a TV.

I admire you moms who can do it all, and manage to cook a big meal and have a clean house and happy kids. I'm working on it. I budget at work, I put together meal plans and grocery shop (in sweats, more often than not.) I bake cookies on my day off, and mop the floor...sometimes. I try hard to improve each day, even just a little bit.

I feel like some days, when I make huge efforts and I feel really accomplished (and tired.) I should get a mom metal-and then I smack myself a little because I remember, this is what I should do every single day. Tai was sick a few days ago, and I managed to keep him clean, clean my kitchen, wash the towels he threw up on, and snuggle him into oblivion. And I felt ACCOMPLISHED. Totally ridiculous right? My bed wasn't made (my mother in law would die ;)) My laundry was jam packed, and my toilets needed some major love, but I did what I could.

I know it's the day to day, little by little improvements, and realizations, and <rants> that build good moms. So to all of you moms, ESPECIALLY the young, new ones like me, thanks. You inspire me to be a better mom. On days I am feeling down, I see you went on a hike, or you cleaned your house, or you did a craft, or you made dinner. And I know I can be a little bit better tomorrow.

One One ONE

Dear Tai,

You are one.
You are walking a little (or falling in style.)
You give kisses when asked. (They are an open mouthed "MAH")
You love Toy Story and will watch it for HOURS.
You sleep through the night, though you have to be right between mommy and daddy.
You love your Grandparents (both sides) and they SPOIL you.
You love puppy dogs, and animals, and anything soft and fluffy.
You know when you are being "naughty" and run from mom and dad.
You cry out to "dada" when he leaves for work, and give big smiles to mommy when she picks you up.
You have some good friends that you wrestle with, Kru Kirkland, Christopher "Giddy" Gogan, and Reighlee and Bridger Glissmeyer.
You love to eat, you get super excited when I give you juice, and throw your cup in disgust if it's water.
You are terrified of vacuums.
You are a good napper (if someone holds you.)
You still haven't met your uncle Curtis-only a few more months.
You love to play with daddy, pull mom's hair, take baths (some times you give them to yourself.)
You have been caught splashing in the toilet too many times.
When you are done eating you throw your food on the floor for snack time "later."
You love to press buttons, plug in cords, turn off the power cords, and suck on plugs.
You are just starting to let us put shoes on you.
You finally got your first two teeth about two weeks before your birthday!
Since you started walking we have to keep the front door dead bolted because you have escaped a few times and took off running. 
You come on all of mom and dad's dates with us.
You wear pajamas everywhere because they cover your feet and you HATE socks.
You STILL hate to be covered by blankets.
Occasionally you sleep in your Buzzy Bed (aka the Toy Story Couch we got from Diapers.com- he absolutely loves it and it transforms into a couch.)
You like to play outside, though the weather hasn't been good enough yet. I cannot WAIT for it to get warm so I can put you on the back porch and let you play.
The doctor told daddy that you don't have an imagination yet, so you mimic-and you started mimicking us on the phone-it's our favorite!

We love you to the moon and back.

Looking at fishies with daddy.

You go on every date with us. We are lame.

You let yourself into the bath, and it was cold.

You "mimic" what we do, and like to "help."

You love to eat-we went and saw Wreck It Ralph in theaters this day.

Talking on the phone (or a lego, or your hand...)

One Year Old Shots :( Sore and Snuggling with Daddy.

Throwing a tantrum and hitting your hands on the floor.

Helping Yourself Into The Bath

Funny Faces (and relief that it's warm.)

Toy Story with a VERY patient daddy who has watched it sooo many times.